CAPTAIN'S LOG: Starda-- wait, wrong franchise--

[scruffier]

oops, my bad



PREVIOUSLY:
part i
part ii

Comments

sometime after icky disgusting pda

[icanfix]

[Since stumbling onto Kitty & Kylo's little "display", Rey has been more or less aggressively avoiding everyone. Less avoiding: Han and Chewie. More avoiding: Kitty. She doesn't want to talk with the other woman about how betrayed she feels or what happened at Starkiller Base. Avoiding people and running away from her feelings became habit on Jakku; she's pretty good at them both.

Still, the Falcon isn't exactly a huge ship, and she won't be hard to find for anyone who cares to look. Just follow the muffled banging noises and quiet curses. Or if all else fails, look for BB-8. The droid is the only other person on this ship who distrusts Kylo Ren as much as Rey does, and so is the only one allowed to stay close.]

[passingthrough]

[Once she leaves Kylo, she goes out looking for Rey who is harder to find than she expected. In fact, she finds Finn twice before she spots the girl making repairs.]

How's the ship? Will she live? Or he. I didn't look. Seems invasive. [In the mood for comedy?]

[icanfix]

[Rey's shoulders tense. Great. She sighs and ]

It's a ship. It doesn't have a consciousness the way droids like BB-8 do. Therefore, no gender. [Admittedly Han may disagree, but that's Rey's personal philosophy regarding the gendering of non-biological things.]

There's a lot of years of damage to undo. But it'll be fine.

[passingthrough]

[The warmest of receptions!] I was kidding. It's just usually what people do when they get attached to inanimate things. At least where I'm from. Not really my thing either.

[icanfix]

[That's Rey — a warm bundle of sunshine and fluffy bunnies.]

Hn. [She can tell that Kitty is trying to start a conversation — whether casual or just a starter to something more serious, she doesn't know, but she doesn't care either way. Hopefully if she's unresponsive enough, the other woman will take the hint and go away.]

[passingthrough]

[She did see the hint. She just chose to do the opposite.] Do you want to just skip to the part where you tell me what's wrong?

[icanfix]

[Rey is avoidant, but she isn't coy. She runs away from her problems, but it's not in her nature to pretend that they don't exist. So while some may have tried to brush off Kitty's comment with an answer about the ship, Rey jumps straight to the heart of the matter.]

I can't believe you're letting him get that close to you. Not after everything he's done.

[Of course, it's also easier to be honest with her head still buried in the Falcon's innards, where she doesn't have to see Kitty's face.]

[passingthrough]

[Kitty can believe it. Not her first time, and it does bother her. She wanted Kylo to get close to her but not the reverse. That's just not how it worked. She can't really deny she's starting to care about him. But she tells herself it's a lot less close than she was to Tyki at least. But maybe there is something more intimate in the turn of a hand than in really hot wall sex.]

What has he done?

[It's not a challenge. She knows he's done things, but aside from trying to kill Han they are largely abstract and assumed to her. He's probably killed. He's probably ordered deaths. He's been complicit at the very least in the destruction of a star system. They are big things, but distant. And for Rey this seems personal. She was his prisoner. What happened?]

[icanfix]

[...did she seriously ask that? Rey pulls her head out so she can give Kitty a completely dumbfounded look.]

You were there when he tried to kill his own father. You're the only reason Han's still alive! [The sin of patricide strikes Rey to her very core; she would give anything to have her father swoop in to rescue her like Han did. ]

He kidnapped me and tried to break into my mind so that he can find and murder his own uncle and force everyone under the hell of the First Order! He's evil.

[That's when she finally notices the bruises around Kitty's neck, and her expression gets even darker.] Did he do that to you?

[passingthrough]

[Kitty is taking that in. Of course she remembers Han. She can't get back to sleep because of it. And the kidnapping too. It's the breaking into her mind part. Kitty has had people in her mind before. As long as they don't rearrange the furniture she usually just lets them be. Almost...likes the intimacy of it. But that's her choice and having your thoughts invaded is a very different sort of thing.

Reflecting on this, Rey's question confuses Kitty for a moment until she sees where her gaze is falling. She lifts a hand up to lightly touch it as if she'd forgotten. She hadn't. It hurts a little to swallow, so hard to forget.]

Shortly after he woke up.

[icanfix]

And you're still cozying up to him?!

[The woman must be insane. That's the only explanation for why she would willingly get close to the maniac who tried to kill her. Rey's fist clenches, and she has to force herself to relax, remind herself that beating the crap out of Kylo won't do anyone any good. (But that bruise around Kitty's neck has been added to her list of Kylo's many crimes.)]

[passingthrough]

How is that any of your business? [The defensive can come on fast. That's not what she wants to be doing right now, but her eyes narrow at the accusation because of how well it hits. Not because of her neck exactly. She doesn't really take attacks personally at least not in the context she got this one. A special kind of dysfunction you may find around a lot of people in her industry if a single one of them existed here. But because she didn't mean to get close. She just wanted to help coax him back, not get attached in the process.]

[icanfix]

Hey, you're the one who approached me! You asked what I thought! You can't blame me if that's not what you want to here!

The next day, probably, if that's okay?

[kylorben]

[Kylo Ren has been rendered exceptionally human. It's uncomfortable. It makes him feel weak and unlike himself, and there are aspects of it that are pleasant, but he doesn't want to be weak. He needs to escape from the gentle emotions around him before they damage everything that he has spent the last fourteen years building. He needs to be strong again.

This is what motives him to find Rey. Her anger is persistent, if not loud, and something fundamentally twisted and self-destructive in him drives him to seek that out.]

Rey. [Did you miss him?]

not at all okay no denied /lying

[icanfix]

[Rey tenses. She had thought that maybe getting him to say her name would improve things, but no, she still hates having him talk to her. In fact, it might even be worse. When he called her "scavenger," they both knew they were enemies, while addressing her as "Rey" makes it seem like they're friends. They're not. They're about as far away from friends as people can be without actively wishing each other dead.

Rey doesn't usually hold grudges. Just about everyone on Jakku was pretty terrible, so the only way to get by was to swallow your pride and put up with people you can't stand. But Kylo is a special case. Not because what he did to her was especially terrible (though it was), not because he's a cold-blooded murderous tyrant with a god-complex and the petulance of a four year old child. It's because no one else is mad at him.

Though no one is actively pressuring her to forgive him, Rey still feels it. Every time they're nice to him, she feels the silent rebuke: We've let it go. Why can't you? She resents the implication that she should get over it, so instead she clings even tighter to her anger and her pain. They'r hers, to work through at her own pace and in her own space.]

What do you want?

[She stays inside the vent she's working on, legs dangling out; in a weird way, this is her one concession to the cult of forgiveness permeating the ship. This is a vulnerable position to be in if he chose to attack her, a sign of trust that she doesn't feel. She clings to her giant wrench and the knowledge that she can do some serious damage to him if he steps out of line.]

wow rude /also lying

[kylorben]

[Her attitude is refreshing. He knows that he doesn't particularly deserve the kindness that he's being shown, and being able to read minds cannot explain to him why it's there. Rey... Rey, he understands.]

I want to talk.

[He lounges against the wall opposite the vent, arrogance regained now that he has someone to irritate. (But there are still unfamiliar feelings. He doesn't want to be cruel to her.)]

so much lying in this thread

[icanfix]

Then talk. [If "talking" involves her crawling out of the vent and actually looking at his stupid face ... well, he's going to have to say that specifically. She has no desire to make this situation easier for him in any way.]

[kylorben]

You're angry.

[Playing "I'm a mind-reader so let me state the obvious" was one of the quickest ways to annoy Hux (although basically everything Kylo Ren did annoyed Hux, which is something he could miss someday).]

[icanfix]

[Two can play that "state the obvious" game.]

You kidnapped me, assaulted my mind, destroyed an entire star system, and tried to kill your father. Of course I'm angry.

[Her voice is cold, but not raging; she's not trying to convince him of anything, just stating the facts.]

What's your point?

[kylorben]

[He crouches down next to her.] No one else is angry.

[icanfix]

[Rey clenches her teeth. Of course he would rub something which has been aggravating her in her face. If you let him upset you, he wins, she tells herself.]

Like I said, what's your point? [She's practically choking on the words.]

[kylorben]

[It's tempting to bring the dark side up in the face of her anger and pain. But no... this is a mild form of antagonism.] I haven't earned forgiveness and they give it to me regardless. You know it isn't fair.

[icanfix]

[No, it's not fair at all. But Rey is under no delusions that life is fair. Life is never fair.

Which is not to say she's happy about it. Or even okay with it.]

Get to the point, or go somewhere else. I'm busy.

[kylorben]

That is my point. You're alone again, Rey.

[icanfix]

[His words hit her like a punch to the gut. Alone again — she doesn't want that. Solitude, yes, but truly alone, the way she was on Jakku ... That is a nightmare.

She takes a moment to force back the tears and wrap herself in anger, before sliding out to glare at him.]

Not for long. Where we're going, there are hundreds of people who remember what you've done. [Her smile has an edge to it.] You'll find not everybody is as forgiving as your girlfriend.