garbageship | That's no moon... Wait, no, it's a moon.

Even if this direction was inevitable once they'd met, it's never going to not be a mistake. Kitty has had too many bad relationships and might be too willing to accept disaster; Ben hasn't had any and, in addition to his general instability, he has very little understanding of what constitutes a healthy relationship with another person. He's aware of how terrible it is to foster an attachment between them, but he likes being around Kitty. He isn't willing to sacrifice their connection.

"I wouldn't try to kill you now." As if that makes it okay. Maybe, in both of their minds, it does. "Don't be afraid."

She has no reason not to be afraid that this will go poorly.

"I know. I'm not afraid of you trying to kill me." But part of that is just because she doesn't fear death or attacks. She fears loss. So she's still afraid of getting her heart broken again, but when that's the only way it ever seems to end she'd be afraid of that no matter how perfect the guy she was with seemed.

She's also afraid of messing up Ben's chance at breaking free from Snoke. She doesn't know much about force and attachments, but people in 12-step programs aren't supposed to be with anyone for about a year, right? You need time to get your head right before you try it with a relationship. It's not really the same, but maybe it's not so different either.

But right now it's not fear that he'd be feeling from her. There's just a peaceful sort of feeling being with him and being able to share these thoughts. She'd probably curl back in next to him if it weren't for him still holding the blaster and the others so close. It feels wrong to be so obvious in front of Han and Rey for different reasons. (But Chewie can totally watch.)

She might be afraid, but at least she's prepared.

He doesn't know any more about what's going to happen if Snoke is gone and stays gone than she does. Maybe, eventually, he'll master independence. Maybe he'll always look for someone to guide him and tell him what to do. Maybe being in any kind of relationship with someone looking for a replacement for their strong-in-the-force mentor of twenty-six years is a terrible idea regardless of the timing.

He isn't thinking about the future because the future still looks bleak. Now is fine. He likes having Kitty there, and he likes it when her mind is fairly calm. It's making it hard to get on with training, though.

"You're afraid of losing me." He frowns. "I'm afraid of that, too."

The moment is good. You never know if you're getting tomorrow.

"Of losing yourself or losing me?" Or both maybe.

Her hand slides down his arm to the blaster which she gentle takes from him, carefully setting it down by hers before just joining hands.

"Both." Maybe more losing himself, which seems to be the likelier of the two and would result in losing everyone else. He doesn't want to lose everyone else (except Rey, possibly). They mean something to him, and Kitty... Kitty is different. He's never had anyone like her to lose before.

They've probably practiced enough. There's an almost sleepy contentment here, and he would pull her closer if they weren't standing on a moon with the rest of their party not so far away. As it is, he just threads his fingers through hers.

There is something powerful about this sort of intimacy they've been cultivating. Han may not believe it, but she has been holding back, trying to go slower than she might otherwise. It is a little hard to believe considering the short time they've known each other, but she's always had to reach out and grab life before it's slipped through her fingers.

She gives his hand soft squeeze and smiles at him. "We should definitely stay found then."

It's a strange kind of intimacy. Ben doesn't have any goals; sleeping with Kitty isn't something that he's attempting to build up to. Being around her is comforting like nothing else he's experienced and he wants to keep doing it. For now, that's it. Taking this moment by moment.

"Do you believe it's possible?" Staying found. Keeping this comfortable thing between them even if it's a mistake.

Also not on her current to do list. (To do list has never sounded dirtier.)

"I do." She really does. "Maybe not likely or easy, but I believe it's possible." She doesn't know if she could be standing here with him right now if she didn't.

"What about you?" Clap your hands or Tink dies!

(Not that kind of to do list!)

"I want it to be." There are so many ways for it to not be possible and about half of them involve him running back to the dark side. It seems like it would be easy for the time that has elapsed since Starkiller Base to disappear, putting him right back where he was and away from what he's found.

(If it was it would be kind of empty right now.)

"Then you an be a big part of making sure it is. I've heard a rumor you're kind of a powerful guy." Smiling at him. "And that you know this really awesome girl who kicks ass." Are you learning all the lingo?

(From dirty to sad just like that.)

"Both of those rumors are true." Is she saying that he's capable of using that power to accomplish something that he wants rather than someone else's agenda? He forgets that he has agency now. It's a nice thing to have. It's even better to know that this really awesome girl who kicks ass (he's storing these words away and will try to use them correctly in the future) is with him.

With their powers, they can rule the galaxy as—

No, not that.

He squeezes her hand and lets himself enjoy the moment.

(Story of her life, bro.)

"You know, you almost look happy." She reaches up with her free hand to brush it through his hair this time. She definitely looks happy.

He leans towards her because he's basically a giant, angry cat that secretly wants to be petted. "I almost am."

Glancing down at her, he doesn't know when he last participated in making someone look happy. It's not a terrible thing, and he regrets not being in a situation where he can put his arms around her and hold on to these feelings.

"Maybe one of these days we'll get you all the way there." He requires all the fond teasing she can deliver. They probably shouldn't even be as obvious as they are being now and yet she can't quite bring herself to care. This feels nice.

Someone needs to bring the fond teasing so the mood doesn't get too heavy.

"It's not impossible." She's here, after all, and this easy, comfortable thing between them is growing. And Han is here. Ben and his father have a difficult past, but relentless and unconditional love has a way of overcoming old pains.

Han and Kitty are wearing away walls that were never meant to crumble. Happiness might be behind one of them.

It may not be the most positive or promising thing anyone has ever said, but it makes her smile because she doubts he would have admitted even that much a few days ago.

"We should probably be training." Which she says more because she's pretty sure she's going to kiss him or hug him or something if she doesn't.

He wouldn't have. After so many years without this kind of support and affection, his outlook is changing more rapidly than he's strictly comfortable with.

"Probably." See how he isn't doing anything to make it happen? "My father wants me to teach Rey to block blaster bolts with a lightsaber."

She doesn't do anything to make it happen either. Her hand leaves his hair though and just settles on his arm instead. "Really? Is Rey okay with that?" No, wait, there is actually something more surprising here. "He's going to shoot at you?"

"I doubt it." Rey doesn't want to learn from him and she's never okay with things that involve him. "I don't know how else he would expect her to learn."

Kitty, why are you confused?

"Well, yeah, but..." She's not sure how to word this. "I just think it'll be hard for him."

"He knows he won't hit me." But he can see how this might bother someone like Han. Maybe it's similar to what he feels when he has his lightsaber out in his father's vicinity. "It would be kinder to have Rey do the shooting."

Joking, joking. Not really.

"I think he's probably worried about that too." And she knows hitting him isn't the problem. Not that she sees Ben as invincible. She did knock him out and Chewie shot him before that, but she figures demonstration shots are no problem.

"She would refuse anyway. She was frightened when she shot at me on Takodana." Possibly because he was still a faceless monster who didn't so much as slow down in spite of her best efforts to stop him. The kidnapping that happened after that likely didn't sweeten the memory.

He's not invincible, but Chewbacca and Kitty owe some of their success to his emotional distress and the element of surprise. Taking him down should have been more difficult.

She does have a sense that the timing helped them get lucky there. Not to mention there were three to his one and her powers were unexpected.

"I wasn't there for that." And how different could things be if she had been? "But I'm guessing she had reason to be."

It's just as well that she wasn't there. Now that he thinks about what happened there, he feels... guilty? Not cripplingly so, but the seeds of guilt are there. "She did. I abducted her."

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