garbageship | That's no moon... Wait, no, it's a moon.

What's age got to do with it? The response gets a sigh. "I was just teasing, but you're not exactly proving me wrong."

Any reply he has to that is only going to bring his estimated age down further, so he does the wise thing and shuts up.

He raises the blaster again. "I'm ready to smoke rocks."

Don't teach the child slang, Kitty.

God help her she finds it cute even if she isn't exactly done being annoyed that he was annoyed. She throws a rock for him and watches his form. She'll keep it up. Just throwing another as that one drops or gets blasted whatever may come first.

"How old are you?" Just sounding curious by the time she asks, not judgmental or annoyed. Years spent alive don't mean that much to her anyway, but it's not a detail she knows about him.

He's getting better. Still not great, but progress is being made, he isn't using the force, and he's not getting mad and storming off when most of his shots fail to connect. Talking is going to throw him off further. It's good, though, learning to shoot while there are distractions. In a fight, no one is going to be quiet so he can concentrate.

"Twenty-nine." The fourteen years spent with Snoke didn't do much for his maturity. A fifteen year-old boy is more easily provoked and manipulated than a man who has learned some self-control. "And you?"

She has noticed the improvement and not just in his shooting. Every day he feels like he's become more than he was the day before. Better with control and contact. Of course some of it could be her perceptions too. How much did Reid change as she started caring for him? How much of that was him and now much was just the way she saw him?

As much as she wishes Ben and Rey could get along she's also glad for her objectivity. Well, okay, she may not be objective either, but if they just assume reality is somewhere in the middle...

"Twenty."

Objectively speaking, he's probably improving in all kinds of ways. Going downhill from where he had been immediately after Starkiller Base would have been next to impossible. The environment has been helpful, too; he had to struggle to keep the light side at bay when he was surrounded by the dark side, and now he has little but light around him.

Still, Kitty probably sees more improvement than there actually is.

"I would have guessed older."

"I feel older. Fifty-sevenish? But you know, hot for my age." She's lived a lot of hard, dense years and done more than you should reasonably be able to cram into twenty years.

She is a genius which is never more noticeable than when you're among non-genius kids your age in grade school. It led to her feeling more comfortable around adults as a child and then as things fell apart she had no real choice in the matter. She was the youngest X-Man for awhile. Even put in charge of training students barely younger than herself. It seemed like somewhere along the line everyone forgot she should have been a kid. In a different world she would have been at least a little longer.

It catches up with her sometimes. A childish outburst here and there. The jealousy over Rey.

"How old did you think?" Should she be offended? Then again, she won't be. She's comfortable with how she looks.

He smirks. Good job, Kitty.

Childhoods can be hard to come by. Even before beginning training at age ten and becoming a murderer at fifteen, Ben didn't take much time to be a kid. He was set apart from his peers by his parents and his powers, and spent too much time struggling with his abilities and emotions. His parents tried so hard—a fact that he can't appreciate and that Han may not believe.

Maybe no one with powers is meant to be a child for long.

"Older. Twenty-five."

"I'll accept that answer." She saw that smirk too. She approves of that.

"...You're not disappointed are you?" He doesn't seem disappointed, but sometimes Reid had problems with it and it's about the same gap. Granted, Reid was also brought up in an entirely different culture from Ben.

Just wait until he uses the word "hot" in casual conversation. Keep broadening his vocabulary!

His next shot isn't even close to the target, so he pauses to check his stance and will himself to relax. "No." Easily, seeing no reason for it to be a problem. Han might have a different opinion, but nine years isn't a substantial gap. "Just surprised. You've lived a lot in twenty years."

Oh, Hand definitely has a different opinion all this, but it has nothing to do with their ages. Then again he might think she's 25 too. Still wouldn't be the biggest problem.

"Well, that's what living is for I guess." Probably not for some of what happened.

"I told Han I kissed you."

That information is... not as worrisome as Ben feels it should be. Curious, but not worrisome.

"What was his reaction?"

She wasn't sure what to expect from Ben there, but she's glad he doesn't seem upset that she talked to his Dad about this at least.

"He seemed pretty surprised and worried." She tosses another rock.

He isn't worried that Han's opinion of him will plummet. The man has forgiven him for slaughtering people and making an attempt on his life, after all. The only real concern would be how this altered his view of Kitty.

That rock does not fall victim to Ben's blaster. His mind really isn't on training. "Is he going to chaperone us on the Falcon?"

Is that you caring about her, Ben?

"We're adults." It actually hadn't even occurred to her. She hasn't had parents since she was 13. Logan was her mentor and she was pretty attached but he was never a father. He was still the closest thing she had back then. There were moments with Magneto but boss was still more applicable. Storm had a guiding influence but their missions were often separate. Everyone cared about her, but she was no one's child. "It doesn't seem like his style."

She forgets to throw another rock

No. Maybe.

"You're an adult. To him, I'm still a child." He's still a child in a lot of other ways, to be fair. "You think that you've disappointed him."

He doesn't remind her to keep throwing.

"That shouldn't matter." But disappointing him does matter to her which is probably obvious even without the force.

She meets his eyes. "Is that why you got upset when I called you kid?"

"I was upset because you were right. I'm childish." He isn't blind to all of his flaws, especially now when those flaws encourage him to take actions that have consequences. "My father last saw me when I was fifteen. He sees the same fifteen year-old. Taller and more dangerous, but no more mature or controlled."

Some of this is conjecture. He hasn't ventured into his father's mind. He's afraid of what he would see in there.

It is obvious that Han's opinion of her is extremely important to her. "He values you. Once that happens, there's little you can do to discourage him from continuing to do so."

"Thank you." Her voice is a little soft. It's nice to hear Ben thinks Han sees her that way.

She reaches out to give his arm a squeeze and rub her thumb across it. Not great for target practice, but breaks are good, right?

"You weren't being childish when I said it." The moment after she said it, yes. "And for what it's worth you're getting better about it, and I can be childish too." But she's not going to pretend like she hasn't noticed it on occasion. Not when he's self aware enough to admit it of himself. "Han will adjust. He's probably changed from the man you knew then too, hasn't he?" She wonders how that is working in reverse. Does Ben see him as he was or as he is? And what are the changes? She's just assuming they exist. She didn't know him back then, but losing his son and leaving his wife had to have changed him. How could they not?

She doesn't need to thank him for stating what should be obvious. Han Solo might be a scoundrel and, occasionally, a swindler, but he's loyal to those he has committed himself to.

They were coming up on a break anyway, weren't they? He looks down to give his blaster a completely unnecessary inspection.

"When have you been childish?" That may say more about his perception of Kitty than her actual levels of maturity. His perceptions probably shouldn't be trusted. This is more true, maybe, when it comes to his father. "Sometimes I feel as though I've never met him."

"My fight with Rey and the reasons behind it." At least some of the reasons were childish. She hasn't really gone into that with him, has she? He knew they fought and that he was the topic at least.

"And when I ran away" sometimes literally "for a couple of days while we were at Q'dar." Another brush of her thumb. She isn't running now.

"Maybe more sabacc games and just time together. You both have a lot of catching up to do." Maybe a setting like this will help too. As much as she thinks the Falcon is good for Ben it does help trap him in his past instead of showing him as he is. It must do the same to Han.

"What reasons?" Because he has been under the impression that most, if not all of it, was about him (self-centered, much?). As for D'qar, he would have left the ship himself if it wouldn't have meant being surrounded by the Resistance. He doesn't connect her absence then to himself. "What were you running from?"

There's a lot about her and what she does that he simply hasn't bothered to pay attention to. That's becoming clear now.

The hand that isn't holding the blaster comes to rest on top of hers.

"He said that he wants to get to know who I am." Granted, he said this a few days ago before Ben was inclined to want that himself.

The thing he thinks is all about him isn't, and the thing he doesn't think is about him is. Works out perfectly.

"That's good." She lights up a little, just happy for him and focusing on the nice thing Han said and Ben's hand on hers. But there are questions to answer and they're embarrassing for her because she felt childish about them. But she'll be honest.

"I was jealous of Rey." No, not over you. Gawd. "It felt like she could already do everything I could, you know? Engineering, piloting, fighting. I had special powers over her for about twelve seconds before it turned out she had some too. And she just seemed comfortable with the ship and Han and, you know, this entire galaxy in ways I'm not or in ways that took longer at least. It made me feel...replaceable." Glancing at him. "So, when she got annoyed about us I didn't try to see where she was coming from or hold myself in check. I just yelled back."

Her other hand comes up self consciously to brush back her hair. "And I was running from the way I was starting to feel about you."

Edited 2016-02-23 06:25 (UTC)

He and Han are in a decent place. Better than they've been since Ben was ten or so, which is sad, but progress is progress.

And for a supernaturally perceptive person, Ben misses a lot.

He listens, processes, and tries to come up with something to say that isn't I'm jealous of her too and smashed in a wall because she made me mad. "She is..." no, he's going to try to put this delicately, hold on, "...irritatingly talented. She can do things with the force that no untrained scavenger should be capable of, but she won't replace you." Although the force thing applies to Ben, not Han. Rey won't replace Kitty for Ben.

This last part, though. She's throwing all kinds of words his way, and if he didn't have a blaster in one hand, he'd be tempted to brush her hair back for her. "You knew it was a mistake from the beginning." Before the beginning.

That sort of hair brushing act is exactly what got them here in the first place! Okay, if not that touch then there probably would have been another one or a look or a kind word. Maybe this was always their direction.

She smiles when he says she won't be replaced, but moments later it hurts her heart to hear him call it a mistake. She doesn't want him to feel like that.

But it's not untrue.

"I mean...you did try to kill me the first two times we met. I wasn't sure it was a good idea." She's still not. But she's not sure it isn't either. Maybe she should be, but she wants to hope. "And I hadn't felt that way about anyone since Reid. It scared me." Remember that fear you felt before she left?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject